Sunday, September 25, 2005

A little about life

Hello world. Haven't written in a while and am feeling the need to write about life. First thing on my mind is Hurricane Rita. My Grandparents and Aunts, Uncles and Cousins all live in Houston, so I'm sure you can imagine how heavy my heart was as Rita inched her way towards them. My Mom's side of the family all left Houston, but my Dad's parents and one uncle stayed for health reasons. It would have been very bad for them to be stuck in all that traffic trying to get out of Houston. I have to admit I was concerned about this decision, but trusted my grandparents that it was the right one. On Thursday night at a small group I shared about Rita and my heavy heart. We prayed and worshiped and I cried. Slept very well that night and Friday woke up with a light heart. I have been hearing 1 Peter 5.7 a lot lately, "Cast all your cares on him, because He cares for you." This week it has certainly rung true.

God has been doing a lot in my heart recently. Mostly in the area of pride. Sometimes it is crushing to hear Him whisper something and realise that up until that point I was being a complete ass. Today was a neat day though. Several Sundays ago in church I asked God what He would like my worship to look like that morning. Very clearly I heard "I want you to spin around". "Spin around?!" my heart cried back, "Are you crazy?! Why can't you tell me to get on my face or just raise my hands? I'll even shout!" But no, it was very clear that I was to spin in circles. I didn't do it. I didn't feel bad about it either, just a little disappointed. Every Sunday since, I have been asking God what my worship should look like and quietly, but firmly, He always replies, "Spin". I feel like an idiot. Worse, if I did spin, the people behind me would probably think I am an idiot. So I started to press into worship in my living room and found an amazing freedom. I still felt like an idiot, even alone in my living room. If anyone saw me dance they would certainly mistake me for a giant crippled bat. However, by the 3rd or 4th song, I am able to put more of myself aside and slowly find more freedom in Him. Well, back to the cool thing that happened today. I made my way out of my normal seat and stood at the front right hand side of the stage. I tried to fit myself into the corner, but it was useless. Before the band started to play, I asked God for the freedom to worship him like I do in my living room. Well, it came. No, it flooded. I danced and SPUN and jumped and knelt and cried and enjoyed every second of it! After church was over 2 people said they saw me and wanted to come down and join me! Well, maybe next week they will. Heck, maybe they will spin too. :) -Anisha

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